Hubs decided we should try something new, or rather, old. He ordered the pilot episode of “Greatest American Hero” & I was actually kind of excited for it to show up. We both had the theme song in our heads for days. Well, we watched it the other night & she was less than impressed. I have never seen her so “scoochy” during a movie. When it was over, she wanted to hurt us. “What did they do? Hold up a little doll to the screen & go like this?” she said as she shook her hand. “You guys so owe me something big now.” LOL! I guess old shows are out.

Hubs was at a meeting Thurs night and we were scanning through the “watch instantly” on Netflix and she saw Jaws. “I want to see that! You said no but you owe me a movie.” (Like the bartering skills she’s gotten?)

“No you don’t,” I said. “Your aunt wouldn’t go swimming after that. I don’t want you to watch it.”

“I’m the only person I know that hasn’t seen it.”

I skipped the whole “jumping off a bridge” lecture and decided to put it on. She didn’t hate it but didn’t necessarily like it either. “That’s it?” she said when it was done. “Big deal. It’s not scary at all.” Have I said she’s hard to impress?

I was not a fan & I’m glad she had enough that we didn’t have to watch 2 & 3, however…. I made an awesome discovery (to me anyway). At the end of “House” – where it gives the production company thingy… well… it came from Jaws. Yes, it’s the little things for me. I posted on facebook, my forum & now here. Yes, I’m that thrilled. I live to watch movies, see actors & strain to remember what it was they were in. I also love just seeing familiar faces in old shows and movies. (Like seeing Cliff from “Cheers” in Superman & the Prince from 10th Kingdom in “Double Jeopardy” etc.) This wasn’t an actor, but a discovery nonetheless & was just up there on my “neato” meter. You may carry on now & relax. I’ll be back with more discoveries. Like my new shirt says, I got your back!

Via an award!!! *sniff* Really… I’m touched. *smacks away whoevers hands those are*

Lot’s of links here – all worth the clickage!!! Besides, it took me over an hour to do this post & I had 12 tabs open at all times. Do it!!! Don’t make me go all Ninja on your @sses.

On to business! I first got notification of this award on Monday by my buddy Gini Koch. Author of this awesome book, Touched by an Alien, which I have yet to do some Monday pimpage about. It was fabulous – check it out! I loved her MC Kathryn (Kitty) Kat. (cute – ain’t it!) Fill the rest of the book up with hot aliens and you’ve got me hooked! Coming very soon is the follow up – Alien Tango. Can’t wait!

Um… got carried away, sorry. Low and behold – yesterday, I get the award again from Puppy. Haggis actually.   Author of this. I’ve just downloaded it so I can’t say anything yet but knowing him – it’ll rock.

Here’s my award & it’s ‘splainin’!

The ‘Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits’ award is given to only the strangest of folk, and as the recipient of such you are deemed very strange indeed.

This award is based on the release of Cate Gardner’s short story collection, Strange Men in Pinstriped Suits. The book is available for pre-order and at a discount of $1.99 off of the cover price. To help celebrate this release, Cate and Strange Publications have a contest with two prize packages to choose from.

Congratulations.

Now you must go forth and celebrate the strangeness of friends (and strangers – strangers are always allowed) by nominating blogs run by strange folk. *Beware, some people don’t like you to refer to them as strange…Try to avoid them if possible.

Some rules:

1. Add the logo of the award to your blog post.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you (don’t mess with strange people).
3. Nominate seven other blogs telling us why you think the recipient is strange enough to deserve the award.
4. Leave a message for those nominated on their blogs.
5. And, if you email catephoenix(at)gmail(dot)com and tell her you’ve received the award for your strangeness, she’ll enter you in the biggest kick-ass Strange Men competition ever. Details over at strangemeninpinstripesuits.com (click on the award link on the home page)

So, now it’s time for moi to pick 7 strange friends. The challenge isn’t in coming up with 7. The challenge is STOPPING with 7. (Those left out, no fear — I still love you and your fuzzy li’l strange hearts all to bits…but rulez is rulez.) So, in no particular order of strangeness, I give you:

1. Turkey Lurkey. No one is faster at the draw with TWSS (That’s What She Said) Then our loveable Turkey. Here’s the best of TWSS on Office, just for G & S’s. Yes, I had to watch it again!)

2. Adam Slade. If you knew him, you’d understand. Oi – just wait ’till my interview comes out….

3. Melanie Avila. Hoo else could put up with me the way she does? Her dog has his own blog & we’re still waiting for one for her car, Reggie.

4. Angie. My beloved Zebra. ‘Cause yanno, I envy your camping tour, but others think you’re crazy. And you have 42 blogs.What I want to know is – you taking Fred? Holy $hit, Paul!

5. Perks. Don’t want the award? Your choice is fish, babe.

6. Tater ToT. As Puppy so delicately put it, because you hang out with me. I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really really want…. Do you have OCD or is that just cleaning rags in your bra?

And 7. Wayn-o. Just cause I lurves you sore much and you properly used Holy %$#* in a sentence on December 4, 2009

So there it is. My 7. Go forth & share the strangeness, my friends.

That was this morning’s conversation.

I’ll back up for you. Sunday, we drove to the nearest town to us for “real shopping”. In the town I work in, everything is closing down and the only option is an old, small Walmart. Willmar has a mall & a Target. Still a fairly small town but at least there are a few options. I was given a gift certificate for Target by a friend several months ago & I finally remembered to use it. I got some things that I won’t mention (’cause I really don’t know where these D cups came from…) & something else for myself – in an odd department for me to be shopping in. The boys section.

When I get home from work, I immediately change into lounge pants. It’s been very warm lately & I have only 1 really comfy pair of PJ shorts & I wanted to get a few more. I couldn’t find anything I liked (cheap) in the women’s section, so I wandered into the boys. Cheap, fit, comfy. A 3-pack of boys cotton boxer shorts. Sold.

I didn’t think to say anything to hubby until this morning when I dropped them into the laundry. He had a funny look on his face after I told him then said, “Uh huh,” after a minute. Then, “Well, I bought some lacy red bras, so in case you find one….”

Never a dull moment as I leave for work. I tell ya.

Another episode that really stands out for me is one about a man caught between time. There were blue men, (no, not these blue men – but close) that ignored him as they took to their tasks. Building something, taking hammers to  cars that looked like they were in an accident, and so on. He finally finds a guy that explains to him that these are the men that build every second of time. “They are not perfect, you see. Did you ever swear you left your keys somewhere but they weren’t there? You looked everywhere and when you checked where you were sure you looked before, they were there? That’s them. They make mistakes sometimes.” I absolutely loved that & have often blamed “the blue men” for things.

Well, the bastids were in rare form the past 3 weeks! I have been missing 3 of my favorite bracelets since I got back from Bemidji. I was actually missing all of them but I found my gold ones in my purse, (you know we had this purse conversation already….) but oddly, I wasn’t happy with just finding those. You’d think gold bracelets would be worth a squee or a w00t…but it was my fun ones that I really wanted. (You already knew I was backwards.)

In Hawaii, the bracelet to have is Hawaiian Heirloom. A style that I always wanted and finally got looked like this:

I gave it to my Sister in Law a few years ago because I never wear my bracelets much in MN anymore & it seemed like a waste of a good tax return. Mostly I wear the ones with my kid’s names. The one with my son’s name is too tough to get off of my arm so it’s on 24/7. I have gotten skilled with being able to contort myself to take it off when I travel because I got sick of setting off the alarm at the airport since it is 10K & not 14. Getting felt up by security guards is not my ideal start of a vacation. (Since they won’t even let me pick who I want to do it!)Yes, you can bend your thumbs in ways you never imagined.

So, what beats out gold? Here you go.

This one was from my son. I sent an e-mail. “Buy me this.” And he did. Who’s a good boy? It’s typewriter keys from the 40′s – I may have posted this before. It really is my favorite piece of jewelry & I get a lot of “writerly” comments over it.

I made this one with my friends loons in Kentucky. We all have one & the trip was a fun memory for me. Even the kids made them, sans alcohol beads of course.

The Italian link bracelet  with this link: is one my “Stooges” & I all have.  It’s very fond memories for me of my last few years in Bemidji. These things may not cost much but they mean something to me. Yup, I’m kinda easy to please.

While we’re on the subject, here’s another little “cost nothing but mean something”  item. As I was tearing my room apart searching for these things – I came across this:

My engagement ring. Good thing my daughter wasn’t drinking anything when I showed it to her. The ring made its way into Jay’s song and into the next book I hope to be published. Yes, I said ‘yes’ to it but then I got my diamond, which was cleverly hidden underneath. Hubs is still kicking himself for having a back-up plan.

So… where were the bracelets you ask? In the drawer where I put fun bracelets. What a stupid place to be! I know I looked there 1st and at least a dozen times since! Damn Blue Men!!!

About a year ago, a friend posted an author they liked on facebook so I bought that the next time I made an order. I thought it would be a great book about the history of different religions, instead it was solely a Muslim slamming book & I couldn’t get through it. I don’t like knowing the gruesome details of  these kinds of hate wars and things that happen to people just because someone thinks they should worship a different god than they do. I’ve said we don’t have TV, so the only news I get is via Yahoo headlines & threads shared on my forum.  I know these wars are going on but I don’t need the play by play. It sickens me.  This book was too much to take and I could get through it. That was pretty much when I decided “no more non-fiction”.

It seemed like there were always headlines about the Catholic Church and all the abuse scandals before we canceled TV. I’m sure they still go on but at least now I don’t have to think about it constantly. I just can’t fathom that kind of evil. I went to catholic school so I can tell a priest/nun joke with the best of them  - but they were jokes. (Yes, Robb  “….because you have the Pope’s shoes on.”) We never thought about things like “Did Brother so-in-so just look at my boobs?” My school either had wonderful teachers or more accountability then say, a catholic orphanage.

What’s this have to do with my pimp Monday? Well, as a part of reading my forum friends’ books, I swayed from my “Fiction zone” and bought my 2^nd non-fiction book ever because I loved the author. Kimmi is a total sweetheart and it’s her fault that I started messing around with a .gif animator program. My obsession started off with doing something for her; a simple 3 panel .gif.  It turned into me having another way to torture my friends. Not only could I photoshop their avatars, now I made cartoons as well. Good or bad, yes, it’s your fault, lady!

So anyway, when her book, “The Unbreakable Child” came out, I had to buy it. It is wonderfully written but tells a tale of a story that will break your heart. It’s bad enough when people that are in charge of children abuse them but somehow it seems worse when these people are wearing the uniforms of their so called “calling” and folding their hands in prayer only minutes after beating, slapping and doing the unthinkable with the children in their care.

I am honored to know and to have met Kimmi. She is a strong & loving person and overcame what a so called “Catholic” orphanage did to her as a child. This is the 2^nd printing of her book with a new publisher and cover.  Forgiving the unforgivable.  Well worth the read.

“Do you have to be neurotic to be a writer?”

My reply: “No. But it helps.”

This particular vent is for other reasons… I think I shall blame my parents.

What were they thinking? Filling our home with love! What kind of set up is that for the real world?I’ve been having some struggles lately with things I don’t understand… and please excuse the vagueness. It just seemed like a good time to again, place the blame on the parental units.

Raise your hand if your parents are still married.

Keep your hand up if your parents worked together all day – mom only left to get the kids from school & rush home to have supper ready when Dad walked in?

Keep your hand up if Mom hurried to the door to give Dad a kiss hello like she hasn’t seen him all day?

Keep your hand up if you never heard your parents fight?

None left with their hand up, is there?

See!!! How was  I supposed to be prepared for real life with an upbringing like that? Sheesh!

My parents were Mr & Mrs D like the Cunninghams were Mr & Mrs C. (That’s a close description too.) Whoever didn’t call them that, simply called them Mom & Dad. My house was where you went for white bread because you were sick of your mom trying to get you to eat that “brown crap”. Bacon???? OMG! Can I come for breakfast next Sunday? POP TARTS!!! No way!!! And that was just one sleepover that I had.

Here’s how an average conversation goes when my mom asks if you want something.

“Just cereal, thanks.”

She’ll pull out 4 boxes. “Any of these work? If not, I can make you some eggs or run to the store.”

Point to one. “Thanks fine. Thanks.”

You are then offered 4 bowl sizes and 3 different types of spoons. You see the predicament. 

I was just sent a hilarious e-mail forward about growing up when we did. One of the best lines: Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us.  As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also  had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was  safe! It just made me giggle. (Thanks, Ashley.) My dad could scold my friends when they needed it but they loved & respected him. When he spoke – you listened. He did put the fear of God into one of my brother’s friends for letting a friend of mine drive his truck when she was underage, and well, Todd, you just shouldn’t have shown up with that earring in the 1st place. My parents still get birthday, &  mother & father’s day calls from friends. I think that says a lot.

I hope I hear that many of you out there are maladjusted as well. I just can’t imagine life any other way.

Not all families are created equal.  I just have to say to my parents, thanks for messing me up &…. can I borrow a $20?

When I watch movies, I am a horrible one for guessing the end (and usually do it with accuracy!) The curse of a writer I suppose. This book, however, didn’t let me do that.

Michael Weitz is a fabulous story teller & it was another “couldn’t put it down” book. If you like a good crime novel that will keep you guessing, pick it up.

Ray Gordon is a very fun character to follow. I know very little of chess & Michael opened up a fun world of the game to me. His descriptions of Washington were great. I had been to Yakima, WA years ago – it was fun to re-visit it through this story. There is a fun banter with him and the female lead to add just enough romantic involvement. I love her as well  and the new phrase I adapted into my “list of silly phases”. What is it you ask? Tough noogies. You’ll just have to read the book to find out, won’t you?

Buy linky.

In case you are wondering which AWer this is? You’ll have to do some investigating yourself. This will be your only clue.

Can’t wait to read more Ray Gordon adventures!

I try to fight my urge to wallow in the frustration that is this industry that I have chosen, but today it is kind of kicking my butt so I have been inspired to share a few things with you. Yes, by share I mean whine. I have to say writing is just not as simple as, yanno, just writing.

I would like to start with “I didn’t choose it – it chose me” but that sounds like I’m stealing another movie line. The characters simply pound at my brain until I key them into my laptop. It’s not even a ‘free to do with them as I please’ kinda thing. I tell so-n-so she’s not going to do something but does she listen to me? Noooooooooooooooo. It’s not really a choice. I write what I’m told or I am punished for it & they make me do things like a sequel.

Spending my free time writing down what these characters tell me to do isn’t the frustrating part. That’s the fun part. What frustrating is when you give it to someone, they love it & say. “OMG! You gotta get this published!” Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong.

I could continue this rant for hours but I will just share a little tidbit of this morning’s Agent searching efforts. Maybe you’ll understand the lack of funny in me lately.

I log onto Agent Query. “The Internets most trusted database of literary agents”. You narrow down a list of agents by Genre. You think you have a decent shot when you see one that accepts this:

FICTION GENRES
Literary Fiction | Science Fiction | True Crime | Mystery | Horror | Christian | Commercial Fiction | Fantasy | Women’s Fiction | Humor/Satire | Romance | Family Saga | Western | Historical Fiction | Young Adult | Thrillers/Suspense | Children’s | Multi-Cultural | Adventure | Gay & Lesbian | Military/Espionage | Middle Grade

NONFICTION GENRES
History | Sports | Celebrity | Biography | Religion | Food & Lifestyle | Politics | Medical | Science | Parenting | How-To | Multi-Cultural | Self-Help | Cookbooks | Memoirs | Adventure/True Story | Dating/Relationships | Spirituality | Current Affairs | Business | Women’s Issues | Pop Culture | Narrative | Finance | Psychology | Health & Fitness | Nature/Ecology | Pets | Gay & Lesbian | Military | Film & Entertainment | True Crime | Cultural/Social Issues | Technology | Humor | Journalism | Juvenile

Score right? So then you go to Predators & Editors to see if they are legit. “Recommended” Score again!
You then read their Agent Query page & see “We do not accept e-mail queries.”
Because you want to make the post office rich? You hate trees? WTH?
Then you open up their website to read a little more because you can’t just go by what Agent Query has listed. Sometimes the information varies and you can find another agent at that Agency that does take e-mail queries. It’s there that you see this. “We are currently giving priority to authors published by major houses.”
If I was published with a major house, why would I be looking for you, @ssface?
Then you see this: “We represent authors published by major houses only.”
Again…. see above & add butthead.
But wait… there’s more. Now you see this: There is a 99% rejection rate for all queries received.
Um… yeah, I knew that one too. I also read the part where you said “You have 20 seconds to get my attention, make your words count.”
Top it off with, “Do not send gifts of any kind with your query.”
Um… so I give the embroidered towel with your name on it to someone else?

So yeah… I know my writer friends out there know exactly what I’m talking about but it’s just one of those mornings. I feel bad for neglecting my blog but I just had to share & let you know I’m missing the funny too. I think I’ll stop querying for a while & just write. That is the fun part.

I don’t want to confuse anyone. Yes, I do have a book published but that simply does not mean “game over”.

Now if you’ll excuse me, there is still a spot of wall in my office I haven’t butted my head up against yet.
Today’s stock tip: Buy Pharmaceutical stock. Particularly those fine makers of Excedrin.

I finished Kaylea May’s book a week or so ago and it was a ‘no brainer’ that she was my new “Pimp Monday” subject.

Elo’esh is a wonderful read! My friend Adam, previous pimp extraordinaire, suggested this book to me so of course I trusted him and ordered it. I think this book was in a picture a while back of one of my latest Amazon hauls….

I didn’t know what to expect as I am a “Don’t read the back cover” person but I really liked her main character, Brooke, from the beginning. For me anyway, this was a totally new and unique concept. I enjoyed it from front to back and even stayed up late the last two nights to finish it.

Lately all I have been reading are various books from the writers on my forum (with the exception of my John Sanford novels, of course..and ok.. the Hugh Laurie one I’m working on as we speak – blame the Zebra ) and all I can say is how grateful I am for the diversity my reading material has become. I’m surprised I am still doing “Pimp Monday” as I will say probably every time how much I suck at reviews. I don’t want to give anything away. All I can say is nice, Job Kaylea Mae! I can haz more now?

The entire top floor was my parent’s bedroom & my mom’s sewing room. We didn’t go up there much – unless of course we had to steal my mom’s sewing scissors, which she asked us never to use for anything other than material. (Add this to the list of things I’ve apologized to my mother for over the years…)

The main floor was my bedroom & the brother closest in age to me, the kitchen & living room, the wrap around deck (which my brothers used to hold my friend over by their ankles ‘till they screamed ‘uncle”) and my favorite – the porch swing.

I remember when we got it. I wanted it for a Junior class party that I had to have. I don’t think it was for anything in particular – except that I just wanted to have a party. I’m not sure why I felt I needed the swing for it, but I did, and being the spoiled princess that I was, daddy bought it for me. So there.

Over the years, it became the photo spot for the grandkids and mainland visitors. My parents sold the house several years ago but the swing went down the street to their new home. My parents downsized to a 1 bedroom with an Ohana, but the house has more square footage than the one I grew up in. Go figure. The kids left & they spread out. The swing went with them but also had to be downsized a little to fit the new Lanai (porch). My dad disassembled it, modified it, and put it back together.

It is still the center for family pictures. My mom posted this last week on facebook and I just had to steal it.

One niece is on Oahu at college and the other is in Oregon but they happened to be there at the same time so she got the “nieces together” picture for me. I can’t believe these are the two little dears who threw rose pedals down the church aisle when I got married (and then picked them back up LOL!)

Man I am feeling old… and missing family again. Dangit!

If I don’t post for a while – you’ll know my nieces have killed me!

Excuse me while I weep… and secretly hope hubby reads this and builds me a porch swing while I’m at work.

ETA: SQUEE!!! Mom sent a wedding pic! Love it! Thanks! The blog post is now complete!