Yes – Merry Christmas. I may not currently have a “home church” but you can stick Happy Holidays in Minnesota. (That’s redneck for “where the sun don’t shine!”)

Since I have the world’s bestest parents, I am spending Christmas with most of my family in California. Most being everyone but my brother & his family from Hilo. They will be dreadfully missed! It’s not often we have all been together with our spouses, in fact, it has only been once 5 years ago. I was hoping we could twist big bro’s arm but no such luck . I’ll have to make a special  trip to see them because thanks to facebook, I am beginning to think my niece, Denyce, is alas… a mini-me. (Sorry Joe – you got my “I hope your kids are as bad as you” curse ) *big grin*

We will have great house sitters for the expansive family of critters left behind – as well as all the new barn kitties that have decided to make our barn their winter home. One of my favorites (fitting named “Favria” by my daughter when she was born ) has made her way home after being gone all summer. Oddly, I am excited at her return. One more mouth to feed but you can just put that “crazy cat lady” plaque on my grave . I love most of the barn cats more than my 2 indoor ones!

Our best buds in Superior were kind enough to take the dogs for us so the sitters wouldn’t have to deal with their neediness. Lets hope they are still our best buds when we get back! We’ll be spending new years with them as well. If they don’t kill us over midnight champagne, we’ll call it a good trip.

Yes, I’ve been a travel freak lately between my class reunion in Vegas (that was pre-blog), my Chicago trip & now this. I have learned something from the 30 hr & 4 airport Vegas trip (for something that should have taken 1 airport & two hours). If anyone is traveling over the holidays or anytime, please, please, please… be nice to the airport employees!! It’s not their fault!! I won’t go into details with all that happened to me but I can say I made it my mission to be the one nice person these pour souls had to deal with that day!! Trust me – they are doing what they can!!

In the midst of all these plans – I am anxiously awaiting making plans for book signings!! My contract states I’ll have hard copies in August so I’m hoping for a Sept or Oct east coast date set! I’m planning on Philly so I can see some of my 100+ cousins as well as more than a few AWers. Stand by for party plans… I want our Humor mod to host a party in DC – I just gotta tell her she’s willing There is already a buzz on the forum started. Squee!!

I’m not sure what I’ll have for internet over the next 2 weeks so I wanted to say : Mele Kalikimaka & Hau’oli Makahihi Hou!!!

Sorry – you can take the girl outta the island, but you can’t take the island outta the girl!!

I haven’t been able to bring myself to post any more about the Chicago trip. They say there is no such thing as “Too much fun” but I strongly disagree. There is and I lived it… and now I’m paying for it but not how you may think. This goes beyond a sore throat for singing and screaming songs in a piano bar that were specialized just for your group or the hangovers you’d think we’d have. (Those are easily cured by the pre-10 a.m. beer, duh ) I’m talking about aching for the people you were with and not being able to stand it until you see them again. I miss you all so bad it aches. ((hugs))

*sniff* okay, moving on.

To quote a facebook post “we entertained the entertainers”. The piano bar we were at took requests and personalized songs for us. They learned our online nicknames or “handles” & put them into songs. “Run around Sue” became “Run around Stew”, “Save a Horse ride a Monkey” needs no explaining. They had a hard time trying to fit a “Zebra” into a song so “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” was settled on. “Take Me on a Sea Cruise” did fit nicely for our “Hooey-baby”.

When they asked if there were any celebrations going on, my friends sent a note up about my book getting published. They played Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” which was fitting more ways than one. It is kind of the theme song for my daughter’s fantasy series that I’m writing. She has made that the ring tone on her phone for when I call.  The song goes as follows “Just a small town girl” Hello – yes that’s me & we’ll skip to this line “She took the midnight train going anywhere”. That brought a shout from me & laughter because the biggest fuss on this trip for me was when my friend ToT was going to put me on a train to go hook up with everyone else. I don’t do big cities well. I grew up on a rock – it’s not my fault I’m geographically challenged. You turned Mauka “towards the mountain” or Makai “towards the sea”. Roads had names not numbers and I could not tell you which way was west if my life depended on it. Say right or left when giving me directions dammit!!

So… to put me at ease about the train ToT said, “Your stop is the end of the line. You have to get off.”

“I’m not falling for that again.”

“What do you mean?”

“My aunt said that in Philly once. ‘My town is the end of the line. They will say get the hell off’.”

Needless to say at the PA airport, I climbed on a train that said they were going there but it was the wrong number & it was not the end of the line for them. They didn’t  say “get off” & I almost didn’t even though I knew I was in the right town. I like to follow directions to a “T” – I was reluctant to leave the train (because yanno, there could be another town with the same name coming up). My son’s girlfriend calls herself a “Citiot” for knowing nothing about country living – I think it is more fitting for me. Stealing your word Ashley . I did get there safely- thanks for the faith, ToT.

Hoo & I took a train into the city later that day. I knew she knew what she was doing so I wasn’t worried. We were both shocked when the train stopped before our stop & said ‘get the hell off’. There was construction and you were routed to a bus from there but we just hopped in a cab. At this point one of our friends called & we informed her we would be a little longer.

“They threw us off the train.”

“Okay. Just call when you get here.”

LOL! She didn’t even question the fact that we would have been thrown off! It is kind of a running joke with our group of loonies seeing as how last time a group from our forum got together in MD – we were almost thrown out of every museum….but that’s another story . This is how we picked a bar for Sat night. One place just loooked too nice for the likes of all of us.

“I know a place,” says RLB. “It’s kinda a dive though.”

“Cool,” says Stew. “It’s much harder to get thrown out of a dive.” 

I missed my daughters school concert while I was away & my hubby informed everyone where I was. I am admired for my bravery for hooking up with a bunch of people I only knew online.   Bravery-smavery – I would highly recommend this to any of you! If you ever want to spend 4 days laughing  ’till your cheeks hurt – DO IT!!!!!

A friend, lovingly referred to as “ToT” (for Train of Thought), lives in Chicago. We met on our writers forum & have hooked up twice before.  The first was a “meet & greet” in Maryland where we met almost a dozen others & once we drove to Michigan to see our favorite mod, Haggis. She was kind enough to pick Angie (another friend from my forum) & I up at the airport and drive us (while we held on for dear life) to see our friend from Florida who started this whole trip. The monkey, Leuk. Trish (one of our super mods) showed up earlier than expected which was an awesome surprise!

We had a great lunch & a few cocktails at the hotel then ToT & I left the gang of loonies there & headed back to her place. She was eager to get the details about my book & start blogging on it. (Gotta love her.) We took it easy for the most part because tonight is the big shin-dig where three others will be joining us as well. (I’m totally lying – I had way more to drink than I planned….)

Leuk showed us what Haggis posted in the forum yesterday & I had to share it here. What a hoot!

Here Trish, Angie & I in the sweatshirts I made.

& here’s me & “my monkey”

Stand by for more!

….on how to name this post. I’m toying with “If you’re a man… I love you” or “There are some things…that men are just meant to do.”

I have always been taken aback by the gift that is man. Not “man” in general – man as in “men”. Yes, half of the population on the planet. I have no shame – I love all that you are.

I am in awe of your strength. Your effortlessness of carrying the “heavy things”. The way you offer your coat to the woman that is cold. They way you give up your seat on the bus. The way you look at your daughter with love and the look behind it to any boy looking her way “I’ll kill you if you hurt her”. The way you kill Bambi to provide for your family. (Okay – I don’t like that one but you get the point.)

What makes me proclaim this now? No worries, I will eventually make a point. I have always said at random that I love men &  it has never been a secret on my writers forum especially as my avatar’s have often been men such as Mike Rowe, Chris Evans & Nicolas Lemons (thank you Dolce & Gabbana). That being said, hubby knows every time I change my avatar because being the jerk that I am, I share EVERY aspect of my life with him be it good or bad . I get acknowledged with a shake of the head which is probably Tom talk for “You’re a loon woman, but I married you.” Just this morning over coffee we discussed having neighboring nursing homes with my daughter giggling in her cereal. We decided I needed one for those who have lost their minds but he would need assistance for being a gimp. Yes, never a dull morning at our house. This is what breakfast usually looks like:

Back to men… About a month ago  I waited in my car for my daughter to finish bowling. She says she’s worse when I watch so I waited in the car (& I looked forward to the nap). I didn’t take the keys out of the ignition so my lights stayed on & my battery went dead. (Note to AWers – this is one of those rare moments when I say “my battery” & I’m not referring to cray ) No problem. I walked to the nearest man, smiled and asked him to jump me. Now, because he wasn’t a writer, he knew that my battery was dead. If he was, you know this would have gone over differently. (*nudge nudge wink wink*) Car started – we went home – end of story. This morning I filled with gas as the keys were in & the radio was on (like I always do) but in just those 2 minutes – it went dead. I must need a new battery but I still had to get to work. No.man.in.sight. Dammit! I know the manager of the gas station & she pulled her truck up and we managed to figure it out without blowing ourselves up. I should feel a sense of pride but I don’t. I simply didn’t want to do it & don’t care to ever again. Some things are just better left for a man…in my humble opinion anyway. You feminists can take your stand. There are a lot of things I can do but just “choose” not to . Like the man that will screw up the laundry so he doesn’t have to do it again, the woman will mow the lawn “not quite right” to get out of it as well.

There is a natural order to things. You leave the recycling on the counter – we will put it in the bin.

You mow the lawn, I will vacuum & dust. (not that you ever would anyway)

I will shop, you help carry it in the house.

Battle of the sexes my rear. I.need.men. They win.

For all you women that like changing your own tires, jumping your batteries, knowing how to set your car back to American readings after your battery dies, and mowing your lawns, I salute you. I, for one, still like it done for me. Maybe I’m just a princess but I’m okay with that.

Tuesday was my daughters birthday but we took it pretty easy that day as far as dinner went. I did swing by the grocery store for a cake since my oven was still broken from Thanksgiving. It was amazing how many times I forgot and would try to preheat it for something. (Thank you, Patti, for letting me use it for the egg bake on Sunday. You know you love ‘em.) 2 cousins that live only 10 miles away were able to come over & of course they had a blast together. I was grateful for the cake leaving with my sister-in-law for the family left at her house so it didn’t stay at our place!

Thursday we went to the seafood buffet at the nearby Casino. It was only $9.99 & wonderful. The surrounding towns respond well to this special. The line remained all the way to the hotel door for hours. I was glad we were told to go early. My daughter put away more than her share of crab legs (as did the rest of us). The meal was truly only $9.99 because we didn’t go gambling after dinner like they probably hope. Sorry, Jackpot

Friday was her birthday party with her classmates – she went with a Chinese theme this year. Most of you know the extreme I usually go to with her parties but I was very well behaved this year & just let her wreak havoc on the Oriental Trading Company catalog. She picked out several different crafts & decorations on her own & did an excellent job. Of course to fit the theme we ordered Chinese food. It was also excellent. I set it up buffet style so of course we ate ’till we were about to explode again. (At least I ordered a marble cake so I wouldn’t eat any!)

Saturday was my company Christmas party so….we went out to eat…again. I’m glad hubby can finish off what I can’t. The portion of Walleye was excellent & HUGE! I brought the raspberry vodka that I made this summer along to share with everyone & a couple of layered cookie jar mixes that I made up that morning  just in case there were no drinkers. What was I thinking? I now have 2 jars of layered cookie mixes that I can make for my family:) (See pic below if you don’t know what I’m talking about. These aren’t mine but you get the idea.) They are fun to do. When you go to make it, you just need to just add the butter, eggs, vanilla extract if necessary, etc. & just dump in the jar of ingredients.

So… needless to say. My month of torturing myself with Jillian Michaels was a bust! I’m off to Chicago on Friday to meet some of my favorite loons from my forum with more of me to love still! I’m sure there will be dozens of fabulous restaurants to tempt me (dangit!) but hey… its December. You’re supposed to splurge, right? I’ll get back on track in January. That’s my story & I’m sticking to it anyway.

In your face, Hoo. You can bring the video along but the only curls I’ll be doin’ are the 12 oz ones!

Maybe this is just funny to me because, well, I’m just sick and wrong, but I had to share this morning’s back & forth with my favorite little south of the border AW & facebook buddy. (And by little, I don’t mean in the sense that I take the friendship lightly, it’s just that she’s the kind of friend [insert Randy Newman song here] “ya gotta pic ‘em up just to say hello” kinda little ) You’re not short, Hoo, you’re fun sized!!!

So, it’s not the first time that this has happened to me, in fact, it’s the forth. I get over eager when it comes to ordering books that my friends and acquaintances  on my writing forum get published. I hurried to pre-order this particular book as soon as it was available, forgot I did so & hurried and ordered the day of release. I received them both yesterday. I posted the below picture on facebook of said book.

Right away I had a taker for it – my little Hoo in Meh-hi-co. I will be in Chicago next weekend with a few of my buddies & as fate has it – she’ll be home then as well & lucky me – home is Chicago!! I’m staying with her Saturday night. I’m giddey at the thought of an old fashioned slumber party ‘cept probably w/ booze instead of soda & instead of ghost stories, we’ll probably sit back to back with our laptops & talk on facebook! (Well, my recently restored laptop – her new notebook!)

We were all giggling yesterday how you go about talking with someone that you only know online. Do I bring nutter butters and hand them to her or can I just say asterisk – hands Mel nutter butters – asterisk? Tee hee… Do I have to moon her or can I just say :e2moon: or “insert mooning smiley dude here” using finger quotes? Hmm… this is going to be tricky.

All this being said, when she asked if she could have the spare book I said “Sure, I’ll give it to you for rent”, meaning – for letting me stay w/ her Saturday night. She thought I meant “rent the book”. I thought maybe she thought I was teasing about the price being set at like “rent for a house”. We got that straightened out then she informed me about where we were staying.

“Anything is fine with me,” I said, “As long as your brother doesn’t mind me parading around in a towel.”

She replied, “He doesn’t mind. I do.”  Which I initially took as “he doesn’t mind but I do.”

We shared laughs and she said, “And we’re writers.”

I responded with, “All that means is we’re handicapped but can’t get one of those thingy’s for our cars.” *insert rolling laughing smiley here*

I so completely love that I discovered  my writers forum and found all these people. (cough*freaks*cough*) My whole life I felt like I stood out in a crowd. After mingling with the likes of other writers for over two years now, I see I’m hardly the peach colored crayon in the box of colorful loonies .  I now understand me. Now only if everyone else did :}

To Hoo & all my friends at AW – “There’s no place like home!”  Embrace the crazy! We can’t all be  the brightest light bulb in the picnic basket thats a beer short of the elevator going all the way to the top, right?

Stand by for review of Kelly Medings book – I have 2 other AWer books in front of hers or go to Amazon & get it yourself… my 2nd copy has a home.